Confusion, Insecurity, Fear!

There is a black stone in my chest weighing me down and making it harder to breath. It makes my chest feel tight and it feeds on my energy. I let it sit there because it’s better than the alternative. This one causes me less pain. 

This stone is bearable – the other is not.

 Unless things change however, a broken heart is inevitable. I can’t live with a stone in my chest forever, a stone formed by confusion, insecurity and fear.

 I no longer trust him and no longer expect anything. I am trying to distance myself so the pain is not so great later. Every bone in my body tells me this is not right. My common sense and rationality argue with my heart to let him go.

 The thought of leaving him makes my heart ache. I can feel it hurting already. But I’m not ready.

 I love him too much.

 He confuses me. “I love you” “I don’t love you enough!”

 I feel insecure.

 I feel afraid. Afraid of being alone. Afraid of staying with him. Afraid of letting him go. Afraid of letting this go too far and not being able to turn back.

 

We work so well

 

We don’t work at all

 

We laugh

 

We cry

 

We learn

 

We are partners

 

We are lovers

 

We are best friends